


What Happened at the Party Shouldn't Stay at the Party

by Hecate1412



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, M/M, Michael in the Bathroom, Panic Attacks, but they love each other so it'll be okay, it was definitely non consensual, the boys have issues, the night of the party, what happened between Jeremy and Chloe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 14:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11899236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hecate1412/pseuds/Hecate1412
Summary: For the first time in over half a year Michael and Jeremy open up to each other about their own indavidual experiences the night of the Halloween party.





	What Happened at the Party Shouldn't Stay at the Party

**Author's Note:**

> Editing is limited, and this is based of and RP chat I am in. I hope you enjoy it! Any feedback is welcomed. Sorry about the many grammatical errors I know exist here.

 

Michael had messed up. He knew he shouldn’t have asked, but it was late, he was curious, and for whatever reason, the god awful topic of Jake’s Halloween party came up and…god, tonight was a mess. Michael figured that they had all just…come to terms with what happened last fall, and although he had forgiven his best friend for everything that had happened, it wasn’t a night he liked to talk about. Yet here he was joking about it with the others because he had no filter. And as always, something was bound to slip.

  
**Jake:** You know the night of the Halloween party I heard someone crying in there.

  
Michael really wished the party hadn’t come up, but they’d been talking about bathrooms since Jake and his current boyfriend, Dustin Kropp, did the nasty in his main floor bathroom when Michael had invited everyone over for breakfast one day. How it went from that to the party he still couldn’t understand, but he knew he couldn’t stop it.

  
**You** : Crying where?

  
**Jake:** In my bathroom, dude.

  
**Rich:** Wtf? Who was crying in the bathroom?  
**Rich:** Do you think someone got dumped?  
**Rich:** Probs lmao

  
**Jake:** On Halloween?

  
**You:** …  
**You:** Yeah they probably got dumped.

  
**Rich:** That’s where all the girls go when they get their asses ditched.

  
**You:** I wasn’t actually invited to that party so…

  
Which was true. Michael had snuck in. If anyone asked he could have claimed he was the plus one of ten different people he knew were attending the party, but it never came to that.

  
**Jake:** Dude, that sucks. It was crazy!

  
**You:** I know. I snuck in.

  
**Jake:** Wait, what?

  
**You:** Yeah if anyone asked I was Rudy’s plus one, and if that didn’t work then I was Jenna’s.

  
**Jake:** Why didn’t I see you? Did you pull some Clark Kent shit with the glasses?

  
**You:** No, I’m just really good at being invisible.

  
**Rich:** lmao fair enough.

  
**You:** Wasn’t the best night tbh  
**You:** I prefer to not think about it  
**You:** …  
**You:** This was last Halloween, right?

  
**Jake:** Yeah

  
**You:** You at least checked on them, right?

  
He had asked in hopes of shoving off any suspicion that it could have possibly been him holed up in the upstairs bathroom.

  
**Jake:** We knocked a few times but no one answered.

  
**Rich:** People are always crying at parties tbh.  
**Rich:** Everyone is drunk  & convinced people care more than they actually do.

  
**You:** Oh well that’s good  
**You** : At least I wasn’t the only one crying that night then.

  
Michael had hit send before he’d really read what he’d typed, and verbally cussed as he rushed to delete it, but it was too late. Rich had already seen it and he was sure that Jake had too.

  
**Rich:** Broooo…  
**Rich:** …wait, what dude?

  
**Jake:** Bro?

  
**You:** What?

  
Maybe he could play it off? Michael was hoping he could play it off. Maybe if he denied it they would stop asking.

  
**Jake:** Did you talk to Jeremy that night?

  
**Rich:** And are you implying that YOU were crying in the bathroom or am I misinterpreting this?

  
**You:** If you MUST know, I was hella drunk and heard a rumor that Doctor Who was going to be canceled.  
**You:** That’s why I was crying.

  
He hoped that would be enough. One google search would be enough to debunk his bluff, but he hoped the others were too lazy for that. Turns out they didn’t have to be lazy because Rich already knew.

  
**Rich:** Wrong  
**Rich:** iiiiiiiii would know if there was a rumor.

  
**Jake:** oh my god

  
**Rich:** Nerds are cool nowadays  
**Rich:** But seriously, what happened?

  
**Jake:** Did someone break up with you?

  
**Rich:** Did a girl ditch you?

  
**Jake:** No it had to have been a guy.

  
Michael left the chat and put them on silent. Maybe if he ignored them it would go away. Maybe they would change the topic on their own. He didn’t want to think about last Halloween. He didn’t like the way it made him feel. Sure, he had forgiven Jeremy, but he’d never really dealt with the overwhelming emotions he’d experienced that night. Instead, he did what he always did and bottled them up, which he knew was no good, but he didn’t know what else to do. He didn’t want to tell Jeremy because he’d already beaten himself up about it. Jeremy had gone through his own struggles just to get back on his feet after the squip incident, and Michael didn’t want to make things worse by telling him the truth about what happened after he left.

Turns out he wouldn’t have much of a choice.

He was a little confused when his phone pinged again. He had muted the chat so why would he be getting a notification? When he checked, it wasn’t the group chat. When he looked down, he saw Jeremy’s name he felt panic seize his chest.

“Oh, god. Not now, not with him.” His phone kept pinging and he knew it wouldn’t stop till Michael responded.

  
**Jer:** Michael  
**Jer:** What exactly were you talking about with the whole bathroom thing?  
**Jer:** I know we touched on what I did  
**Jer:** and that…you know already that I’m so sorry about what happened  
**Jer:** but did something happen afterward???

  
Michael didn’t want to talk about this. He did not want to talk about this. He did not want those emotions to come bubbling back to the surface like they did every time he tried to talk about that night. He didn’t want to talk about this with Jeremy, so he deflected.

  
**You:** What happened between you and Chloe at the party?

  
He deflected and immediately regretted it. God, he’d been talking to rich about the squip and he’d mentioned something about what it does at parties, and Michael hadn’t been thinking and just asked, but he immediately deleted it.

  
**Jer:** …

  
**You:** No!  
**You:** Ignore that question.

  
**Jer:** Yeah  
**Jer:** how did you know about that?

  
**You:** Rich told me not to ask.  
**You:** I shouldn’t have asked.  
**You:** And you might have been ignoring me last fall, but I’ve known you long enough to be able to tell when somethings wrong with you.  
**You** : I can tell when you’re uncomfortable  
**You:** and I could tell as soon as I saw you in the bathroom that something was wrong, but…  
**You:** but just forget I asked  
**You:** I shouldn’t have  
**You:** I’m sorry  
**You:** And  
**You:** Shit  
**You:** This isn’t an environment I want to talk about this.  
**You:** I mean shit happened, clearly for both of us, but I don’t want talk about it over text.

  
Minutes passed and Michael heard no response. He started to panic more than before because he was certain he’d seriously fucked up now.

  
**You:** Jer?   
**You:** Jeremy?  
**You:** I’m sorry  
**You:** Buddy, are you okay?

  
He started pacing around the basement when a few more minutes passed and he’d heard no response from Jeremy. He knew that he got irrational when he was upset, and sometimes that happened to Jeremy too, and Michael was tired of waiting. He was worried and he was stressed because he had finally gotten confirmation from his best friend that, yes, he had feelings for Michael too, and now he had gone and fucked it up! They were so close, and he just had to go and do this!

Pacing wasn’t helping so he pocketed his phone, grabbed his keys, and raced out to his car. He was halfway to Jeremy’s house when his phone pinged and he swerved off the road into a gas station parking lot.

  
**Jer:** It’s fine.

  
It most certainly was not. God, did Jeremy think he sounded convincing? No, he sounded like Michael did when he was trying to avoid talking about something, which that only made Michael worry more.

  
**You:** …  
**You:** okay  
**You:** I’m sorry  
**You:** I guess…I mean…  
**You:** I’m not the only one who had a shit night and I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to talk about it.  
**You:** You’ll tell me if it’s not fine right?  
**You:** Do you… want me to come over?

  
He was going to go over anyway even if all he did was sit in the driveway before leaving.

  
**You:** I guess maybe you wouldn’t but…  
**You:** sorry I fucked this up…um…yeah  
**You:** Just let me know if you…or not… if you need something…or like, don’t want to talk to me for a week.  
**You:** That’s chill.

  
It really wasn’t, but Michael figured he deserved as much. He sat in his car hoping Jeremy would reply, but five minutes passed and there was nothing. He took a steadying breath then put the car in drive and pulled away from the station and continued to Jeremy’s house. He arrived roughly eight minutes later, but he didn’t get out of his car. He wasn’t sure what to do now that he was here, but he wanted to be here just in case. He nearly had a heart attack when his phone pinged again.

  
**Jer** : I’m just

  
**You:** Sorry  
**You:** I’m sorry  
**You** : I shouldn’t have asked.

  
**Jer:** Michael  
**Jer:** I don’t know what happened to you  
**Jer:** But

  
**You:** Jer, it’s fine  
**You:** It wasn’t a big deal  
**You:** I’m over it  
**You:** I’m sorry

  
It was a big deal and Michael wasn’t quite over it, but he would lie for Jeremy’s sake.

  
**Jer:** Ok  
**Jer:** Michael  
**Jer:** We both had really bad things happen to us  
**Jer:** and…I haven’t really…  
**Jer:** I haven’t really talked to anyone  
**Jer:** and that’s not…  
**Jer:** Michael I need to talk to you. I think that…Not talking about this is just going to make things so much worse.

  
**You:** Do you…want me to come over?

  
**Jer:** Are you in an okay place to?

  
**You** : I’m okay to

  
**Jer:** Then yes please. We can talk where ever unless you want to talk it out in your basement

  
**You:** I can pick you up and we can go camp out in the park.

  
**Jer:** Yes please.  
**Jer:** I need to get out of the house.

  
**You:** well would you believe me if I said I was already in your driveway?  
**You:** Well it’s more like I was already on my way over when you failed to respond because I was worried about you, but I got here and didn’t know if you actually wanted to see me or not so I’ve been sitting out here for nearly fifteen minutes.  
**You:** either way, I’m out in your driveway.

  
**Jer:** …you’re a dork  
**Jer:** I’m coming out.

  
Michael set his phone down and waited. He felt and odd rush of emotions, most of which he classified as negative. There was a rush of panic and fear, which was only spurred on by his anxiety and was only intensified when Jeremy finally came out the door. He wore a cat t-shirt under a jacket and shorts, hair was completely disheveled and his eyes were red from what Michael assumed was crying. Aside from all of that, Jeremy looked angry. That was the main thing Michael had picked up on. Jeremy looked angry and he was convinced he was the reason.

He marched over to Michael’s car, climbed in the passenger seat and slammed the door shut, leaning back in the seat with a huff. Michael flinched at the sound, his grip on the steering wheel tightening as he glanced over at Jeremy, feeling both confused and hurt. Jeremy looked over and relaxed slightly, running his hand through his hair.

“Hey, I’m sorry. P—please don’t take this personally. I’m just upset about the way this turned out.” Michael wasn’t sure how he wasn’t supposed to take this personally. It was his own fault for bringing up that night. Unfortunately, Rich could only speculate, and wouldn’t tell him anything and he was tired and not really thinking, and Michael couldn’t help but worry. There were probably better ways to bring this up, and maybe he should have listened to Rich when he told him not to ask about it

“Sorry,” Michael mumbled again, since that seemed to be the only thing he could say tonight. He tried to give Jeremy a half smile, but it didn’t really work. “Do you want to go to the park? It’s late so no one will be there and we won’t be bothered, and I know you like being outside when you’re worked up.” Or maybe that was just him. Michael always tried to go for a walk outside when he was worked up or overwhelmed. “Or we can go back to my place. Whatever works best for you.” He tensed, wishing he could grip the steering wheel tighter because he could sense Jeremy’s irritation and he felt like it was directed at him, so he mumbled out another quick apology.

Michael listened to Jeremy breathe for a while. It was clear he was doing everything he could not to blow up at Michael. God knows he probably deserved it to receive that rage.

“The park sounds great.” He paused, and Michael moved to shift gears, but Jeremy stopped him. “Michael, this isn’t your fault. None of you understand what this is about and it’s not your fault this happened the way it did. Just…understand I’m upset because of what was brought up, not because of you, okay?” Michael didn’t really look at him, but still nodded his head.

“Okay.” He sounded small, and he wasn’t even sure if Jeremy could hear him. Michael could hear what Jeremy was saying, but he wasn’t really believing them. Jeremy could be mad at the situation all he wanted to, but there’s no denying that Michael was the reason the situation even came to light.

He backed out of the driveway and began the drive to the park. The radio remained silent, as did Michael since he felt too on edge to do anything outside of drive. He pulled into the park parking lot a few minutes later and shut off the engine.

“So, we could have one of those anime styled heart to heart moments that always take place on the swings, or we can go find a bench or a grassy area and sit down there,” he said, trying to joke, but he was still feeling kind of down and out of it over this entire situation. He doubted his joke really came off the way he hoped, but he still got a short snicker from Jeremy so he counted it as a small victory.

Jeremy got out of the car first and Michael followed, watching as he debated the options. “I think…I think the swings would be best,” Jeremy decided. Michael nodded, locked his car, and started walking. He was thankful for the full moon, because the lights in the park were few and far between. He walked until he hit the playground and stopped.

“So, are we both sharing what happened to us that night?” He wondered, recalling how Jeremy had questioned him about his own experiences at the party. “Because honestly, based on how you…reacted…I just—“ he took a breath and continued, “I feel like whatever happened to me is nothing compared to what you went through and I wouldn’t want to like…make you feel worse or something.” He took another deep breath and shook his head. He was usually better with words, but everything about tonight felt off. “Sorry…let’s just go sit down.”

He could hear Jeremy following behind him as he beelined to the swings. It wasn’t until they were both situated that Jeremy spoke again.

“No, I want to know, that is, if you’re comfortable telling me. You’re important, Michael, and whatever happened to you mattered. It still matters. If you’re cool with it—“ he could feel Jeremy’s eyes on him in the dark, and Michael felt himself shrink a little, “—if you’re cool with it I’d like to hear your side of the story first”

“Yeah…uh. That’s fine,” Michael lied. He took a deep breath and steadied himself. “It’s just that after everything was said and done you were in a bad place mentally and I didn’t want to bring the whole thing back up again. And you already apologized for what happened when I confronted you in the bathroom… you know…the whole loser thing,” Michael shuddered, but focused on his breathing as he used his foot to slowly move himself back and forth on the swing. “It’s really not that bad, honestly. I’m probably just over reacting…or was over reacting.” He let out a deep breath, eyes focusing on his lap as he continued to tell his version of that night. “I had a panic attack, a really bad one, after you left. I mean you’re…you’re my closest buddy, and the last time I let someone get so close to me was with Brycen and you know how that turned out.”

Brycen was a guy Michael had liked in middle school. They had dated for a while (or whatever middle school dating is classified as) and Michael developed feelings for him, only for Brycen to turn around a month later and laugh at him (“Why would anyone be interested in a loser like you?”) before locking him in a shed. It took a day and a half for anyone to find him.

“You’re not Brycen though. I let you get much closer to me than I would have ever let him. And I was already in love with you last fall and you’d already been ignoring me and I wasn’t in a good place and then you just…pushing me aside like that reminded me of how Rich or Jake treated me. It reminded me of how Brycen left me, and it’s like suddenly you weren’t my best friend anymore. You weren’t my best friend and I was all alone and…it was a lot. I didn’t know what to do anymore and I just…I panicked.”

Michael didn’t talk about this night with anyone. Whenever it was brought up he always redirected the topic before conversations got to deep, before he ever had to admit anything. It wasn’t until he noticed his hands shaking that it dawned on him this was the first time he was actually talking about it.

“I hit a low. I hit a low lower than any low I’ve had in a few years. Honestly, if it weren’t for Jake practically forcing me out of the bathroom when they fire broke out I would have just stayed there and let the building burn around me.” He let out a shaky laugh, because he realized how close he’d been to taking his own life back then. He realized just how bad this probably sounded to Jeremy and he needed to make it better. He needed to do something.

“I’m…uh…I’m fine now though. It’s just in the moment…in the moment I wanted to—“ he shook his head refusing to say it out loud. “But it’s really—it’s not that bad. I’ve gotten over it. I’m fine now, which is why I never really brought it up with you. It’s not really a night I like to think about or talk about or…” He stopped talking and glanced at Jeremy wishing he could read him in the dark. “But you weren’t really you, ya know? So I don’t feel like I can or should hold it against you.”

Silence followed the moment after and Michael began to panic a little. Had he said something wrong? Probably. He’d been saying the wrong thing all night.

“Michael, I—“ Jeremy sounded like he was going to cry. He didn’t want Jeremy to cry, he really didn’t. This was exactly why he hadn’t told Jeremy about what happened that night because he already knew how it would affect him. He heard Jeremy move. He stood up from the swing and popped a squat in front of him. He intertwined their hands together and let them rest on Michael’s lap holding them tightly in attempt to ground both Michael and himself.

“It’s not okay. It’s…it’s not okay that this happened to you, a—and,” Jeremy seemed to choke on his words, but Michael waited while he forced himself to continue. “And it’s not okay that I let this happen to you. It doesn’t fucking matter whether it was the real me or a stupid computer, I did that to you. I took that stupid fucking pill and let it take over my life, and I hurt you as a result.” He squeezed Michael’s hands tighter, and Michael heard him sniff, and he could sorta see him in the moonlight and he was crying, and Michael wished he wouldn’t.

“You’re my everything and I hurt you, Michael. I would trade the world to take back what I did--to change everything--but I can’t, so I’m going to do the next best thing and be here. I’m going to be here with you and give you all the love and affection in the world that you deserve. Not because I feel remorse, and not because I probably should help you. It’s because I love you more than the moon and the stars and you deserve to be shown that. You deserve to be shown the world isn’t so bad, and that you don’t have to be alone. I’m so sorry Michael. You didn’t deserve any of that.”

Michael rubbed his thumbs over Jeremy’s knuckles and smiled weakly at him. There was a warm bubble of affection forming in his chest as his best friend spoke, but he still hated the fact that he’d made him cry.

“I love you, you know that, right?” He hummed softly, “but please don’t cry, Jeremy. I’m fine now, I’ve already forgiven you. Rich told me what the squip does in order to get you to listen. He said it attacks your self-esteem, makes you feel worthless and breaks you down so it can build you back up the way it wants to. And seeing the way you were after that technological potato chip was finally gone--the way you still are sometimes--I can’t stay mad at you.” Michael wanted to change the subject. As much as he said he was fine, there was still a deep seed of hurt from what happened that night. He gets it now and knows Jeremy would never intentionally do that to him. It was the squip who’d encouraged it, even if it had been turned off at the time. And okay, maybe he wasn’t entirely over it, but he was improving and it was a little easier to deal with. He wouldn’t let Jeremy know it still affected him, though, even if only minorly.

“Please don’t cry, Jer. I’m serious, everything is fine now.”

Jeremy sniffled and laid his head in Michael’s lap on top of their hands, tears still falling as he laughed out another sob.

“I’m crying because I love you. That’s the thing dude.” Jeremy breathed deeply, closing his eyes, before looking back up at Michael. “We’re literally having this conversation because we love each other. If you didn’t care about me, you wouldn’t have opened up. If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be sobbing my eyes out with your right now after hearing this. I love you so much and I know you’re _fine_ and everything is _fine_ but just let me cry a little. Let me love you a little, Michael.”

Michael smiled again. It wasn’t weak like before, but it was soft and loving. He freed one of his hands and combed his fingers through Jeremy’s hair.

“Okay, you can love me a little, but only if I get to love you a lot. I’m not going anywhere anyway, and lord knows I’ve got too much affection to keep to myself.” The warm bubble of affection he’d felt earlier had grown so much larger than before and it was kind of overwhelming. Michael kept combing through Jeremy’s hair, content with sitting like that for a while, but eventually he asked the question resting on the tip of his tongue.

“Jer, I still hate to ask this, but…what happened with you at the party? What happened between you and Chloe?” Michael was hesitant to ask, but this was the whole reason they came out to the park. “I love you, Jeremy, and you’re right, that’s the reason I could open up to you, I just…I hope you feel the same. I don’t want to push you since this seems like a touchy topic.” Michael felt Jeremy go stiff in his lap. He could tell his mood had shifted for the worse, and he felt upset when Jeremy eventually pulled away and returned to his swing. He still couldn’t see Jeremy well in the dark, but he could hear him taking deep breaths in, and exhaling five seconds later. Michael gave him the time he needed and waited till Jeremy was content with sharing.

“So…Brooke was my date to the party, right?” he laughed softly and somewhat sweetly. “She was really sweet, honestly. She…she was one of the few people of that group that treated me like I should be treated.” Whatever fondness he had of that small memory was gone, and Michael could hear it in the shift in his tone. “So…um, later. Later Chloe grabbed my arm while Brooke was off catching up with some friends and she…she dragged me to the bedroom. Uh, J—Jake’s parent’s bedroom actually. Super fucking weird right? And she, well, she tried some stuff on me a—and I was—“ Jeremy started to choke on his words again, and Michael wanted to run over to him, but he stayed seated. Knowing Jeremy, this was probably the first time he’d talked about this with anyone too, and Michael understood how hard opening up about something traumatic is.

“I was s—seriously not h—having it,” he continued, sounding a little more reserved. “I told her I was with Brooke but she just…she kept pushing and you know how awful I am at being a stupid fucking pushover. So I finally managed to firmly say no and tell her to stop and when I went to get up…uh…my body was frozen still.” There was a quiver in his voice and he sounded so small. “It wasn’t from nerves or anything, but like, when I went to flex or move a muscle it was stiff and inflexible. The squip,” another shaky breath, “the fucker, it froze my body so I could…w—what?” Jeremy choked out a sob and Michael felt his heart break, but he didn’t move, not yet. “So I could get forced on by someone? J—Jesus Christ M—Michael I couldn’t move!”

Jeremy stopped for a few moments, clearly feeling uncomfortable. Michael let him calm himself, not bothering to reach out or talk or interrupt until he was certain Jeremy was done talking.

“I—I couldn’t move and she was…she was touching me and—and—“ he cleared his throat. “It didn’t go too far, she got cut off by Jake, and one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I was running into the bathroom…with you.” Michael wished he could see more than just Jeremy’s outline hunched in on himself. He wish he’d known about this earlier. He wished he could have done something in the moment at the party. There was a shift of movement, and Michael knew his best friend was looking at him again.

“She didn’t know I didn’t want to…she thought I was playing c—coy and I don’t blame her I just…I wish I could’ve pushed her off before…before she…” he cut himself off, and Michael knew he was done talking after that. He could hear the quiet sobs as the memory resurfaced fresh in Jeremy’s mind, and he knew, to some degree, what he was feeling.

Part of him wanted to be mad at Chloe, but deep down he also knew it wasn’t entirely her fault (sure she shouldn’t have been going after her best friend’s date, but Michael figured that was just the popular side of high school). Michael wasn’t entirely sure what to do in this situation, especially since Jeremy was in such a panicked and sensitive state, so he did something he hoped would be okay. He wanted Jeremy to calm down before they kept talking, so he rose to his feet and slowly approached him. He tapped on Jeremy’s shoulder not sure how he would react to anyone touching him, and wasn’t surprised when he jerked away.

“Hey, Jer? I’m going to put my headphones on you for a little while, is that okay?” Jeremy looked up at him, and Michael got his first clear look at the fear and panic reflecting in his best friends eyes. It hurt him to see.

“Y—yah, that’s okay.” Michael removed his headphones from his neck when he got permission and slipped them over Jeremy’s ears. He had entire playlists made not only for his anxiety, but for Jeremy’s as well. He knew exactly what he wanted to play, and pulled up a playlist that would only play the sounds of the ocean. It always successfully calmed Jeremy down in the past, and Michael hoped it would do the same. He plopped down on the ground when the music started to play, making sure he gave Jeremy enough space, but was close enough that he would still be in view if Jeremy looked up, and he waited until his friend was calmer.

Michael watched Jeremy closely as he closed his eyes and cupped the headphones with his hands. He could visibly see him relax as time went on which was relieving. After a few minutes passed, Jeremy suddenly and slowly rose from the swing. His eyes were still closed, but he took a few steps forward before dropping down to the ground a foot away from Michael. He reached out blindly with his hand, and Michael met him halfway as he laced their fingers together. Jeremy didn’t say anything else, just sat there holding Michael’s hand and breathing for another minute or so before opening his eyes. He squeezed Michael’s hand and gave him a weak smile.

“I’m okay. Th—thank you.” Michael returned the smile.  
  
“You know, it’s okay to not be fine,” Michael began, wondering if Jeremy could even hear him through the headphones. He hoped so. He wanted Jeremy to hear everything he was about to say. “It was a traumatic experience that you should never have had to go through, but I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you trusted me.” He gave Jeremy’s hand another reassuring squeeze.

“I can’t change that moment, but Jer, I love you so much and the last thing I would ever want is for you to be uncomfortable. So, if anything I ever do makes you feel uncomfortable just tell me to stop, okay?” Doesn’t matter how small it is. I can’t change what happened with Chloe, but I can be here to support you whenever you need it. And I can make sure it never happens to you again.” Part of Michael felt like he was avoiding the topic, but he’d never really dealt with a situation like this and he wasn’t entirely sure what to do. He hoped he was doing enough. He wondered how Jeremy could even be around Chloe after all of that.

Michael continued to rub circles over the back of Jeremy’s hand accepting just how in love he was with his dork and realizing how much he wanted to protect him. “I love you, Jer. I love you so much and I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Jeremy just shook his head, and smiled. It was a good smile, and he wiped away the fresh tears with his free hand. “You—thank you, Michael, I…wow.” He scooted forward and closer to him and leaned forward. Michael followed suite, leaning forward until they’re were resting their foreheads against each other.

“It…it was really hard. The day after I immediately suppressed it, so when it was brought up, it felt so fresh and new, like an opened wound. But I’m glad because it can now be properly attended to.” He squeezed Michael’s hand again before pulling away. He gazed at Michael with a look the teen could only describe as grateful, and he smiled. “Neither of us are alone anymore. And I know both of our issues aren’t something you can just…fix…but I’m glad we have each other to get through them. I’m glad I have someone who _actually_ cares, so much. You’re so patient and loving and true to me, and every fiber of my being somehow wants to convince me that I don’t deserve someone as incredible as you. But then I realize you deserve someone who will love you just as much as I do, which is, by the way, probably the biggest love imaginable. Like miles and piles and mountains and oceans of love. And when I th—thing about that, I think. ‘okay, maybe I do deserve him because he at the very least deserves something like that…someone like me.’”

Michael smiled at the thought, but adopted a serious expression because, “suppressing stuff like that is not healthy. I mean I’m not one to talk since my parents basically had to force me to go see someone before I even stared being open about the shit I feel on a regular basis, but that’s not the point. The point is that I love you. I love you so much, Jeremy and you…you love me. I never through this would happened, but now that I have you I am never letting go again.” Michael reached up to cup, Jeremy’s cheek but didn’t actually make contact until he got a visual nod of permission from Jeremy. “We’re a perfect fit, aren’t we?”

Jeremy laughed and Michael fell in love all over again. It sounded more like his usual laugh. Still a little timid, but more Jeremy; more relaxed.

“Can I like—sorry this is weird, but can I sit in your lap? I wanna hug you and just sit like that for a while.” Michael immediately spread his arms open, which was enough of an answer.

“I would never turn down a hug, Jer. It’s always been a dream of mine to hug my boyfriend in an empty park at midnight,” he joked as Jeremy crawled over. When he was situated, Michael wrapped his arms around him and rested his head on his shoulder. “Hey I may have forgotten to mention this, but I’m high-key gay. Just thought you should know.” Jeremy laughed out loud, and Michael smiled again, able to feel the actual happiness since he was now holding his boyfriend so close.

“Well I’m high key pan, so there’s that. And I’m also high-key kind of into you, Michael Mell. I never imagined we would end up together, but it’s perfect. We’ve known each other for forever.” Jeremy pulled away and cupped Michael’s face. Michael couldn’t see in the dark, but he hoped Jeremy was blushing just as much as he was. “It’s just crazy that the boy who I went bug catching with in the third grade and played pretend I real life Pokémon battels in fourth is the same guy I’m straddling on the ground in a park absolutely head over heels for.” Jeremy paused and laughed again. “Actually, thinking back, I’m not surprised. You’re like, everything I want in a partner.”

“Dude, same. And as much as I am head over heels in love with you, I feel like the police are gonna come patrolling and we’ll get in trouble for being indecent in public. Want to go back to my place and watch a movie?” Jeremy nodded and stood up, helping Michael to his feet.

“So, is this a date?” Jeremy asked, taking Michael’s hand again.

“Do you want it to be a date?”

“I would. I want to go on lots of dates with you, Michael.” Michael smiled, linking their hands together and pulling Jeremy’s up to his lips.

“And I want to go on lots of dates with you.” They held hands until they got to the car, eager to get back to Michael’s house and start a movie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
